My bad... I feel bad, I've been off here a bit for the few that noticed. I've got a summer job now. I work durning the day an' am usually tired when i get back, plus my little cousin takes over the computer so I cant' get on. but I'm gonna try.
AN' the past week an a half has been drama city. My boyfriend cheated on me, or 2 timed if there's a difference. But decided for the moment he wants me. so we're tryin' to work things out. feh~ I'm hopin' everything works out. I hate Drama. I just hope it's over, but I guess time will tell how that all settled...

Maybe knowing alittle of me might but alittle more depth to Makino.
I'm really 23, just turned it last month. I enjoy singing, drawing, writing, even thgouh I'm not that great. Obviously I love anime.^^; I got into it when I was 18, and have kind of been obsessed since. Can't really explain why. Something to get into.
I'm not one of the popular girls. Makino's like me in a few ways. But people might have figured. I'm quiet and shy, and therefore have not many friends. It's hard, and awkward to talk to people. In some ways I'm too trusting, but at the same time it takes me along time to get to the point where I can trust others.
I've been, left, hurt, and everything by just about everyone I've cared about. So I'm pretty fragile and messed up. Nice mix huh...
If I don't hurt myself I'm doing olright, Just tryin' to make a few friends and meet some interesting people. Heh, and hopefully, I haven't scared yet more people off.
I really enjoy rping as one might also guess. With some types of scene's I'm rather good. I've been told I'm too detailed. For some it's good, for some they don't like it. ~shrugs~ Ah well.

frozen in place
it's a stupid waste
we all know the truth
you're closed off.
All I hoped was a chance in your heart
I guess it was hopeless from the start.

you can't care for me
we weren't to be.
Left waiting alone
Sitting like a cold statue of stone.
Tears seep from my eyes,
trying not to cry.

Not wanting to seem weak
utterly meek
seen as something vile
with a heart so fragile.

I'm daringly bold
to want love
from a heart so frigidly cold.
but forced by your side.
till the day I move,
die,
lie shattered, and broken.

Alright, I'd had that weird dream, and bad feelings about Seto, and Mokuba. I'm worried. Since Mokuba's away too Seto doesn't care to call. Just shows I'm not much of a concern to him. :( But I got the strangest phone call.

A woman called and asked for me. No one asks for me. Because no one knows of me. They want to speak to Seto. It was creepy. But It creeped me out enough I didn't hangup. I listened to her. She told me something was going to happen to Seto, but he was going to be olright in the end. And she wanted to speak with me in person she said she had something important to show me.
I'd had enough I hung up. Calling the guards that were supposed to be with Seto, but nothing... THen the phone rang again. It was her. I can't even describe how annoyed the whole thing was making me, or how worried I was about Seto. I was about to hang up on her again when she started talking about my dream. She told me it was significant, and meant something. After that I agreed to meet with her. I hung up the phone wondering about Seto. I tried his number even that was dead... That lady better have answers!

Seto please be alright!

I don't dream that often and even when I do they tend to be weird random clips. Mostly from my crappy childhood. But the one I had lastnight... Was so vivid.
----I was someone else, a girl with long white hair and bright blue eyes. I was passed out on the street but at the same time I was watching myself from above. I wasn't in Juuban, It was old, and there were pyramids, and sand. A guy found me. A cute one too, he looked like Seto but older and even cuter.
----He took me to a large palace and laid me down to rest. He watched over me and I could hear him saying something but his words sounded blurred, and mumbled I couldn't make them out. But my body began to glow brightly a moment.
----Till I suddenly woke with a start panting, and it could have been because I was waking up. But my body looked blue. It all just seemed so real, and strange to me.

Probably just because I haven't been sleeping well. I've missed Seto. He's been gone a few weeks now. He just said he was going to talk to Pegasus-sama about something... But he hasn't been back yet. I'm worried.
Guess I just have to keep waiting.

Well ok...
Now It's decided I'm getting paid for what I do anyways. Oh well whatever he wants. I can't tell him what to do. I can save up so I can get out of his hair.
I know he doesn't want me around anyways.

Well the other day I turned 12. I know the big 12. But for the first time my birthday wasn't't horrible. Since the day Seto saved me I've wanted to repay him, or help him. But have yet to find a way. But I will eventually. I'll think of something.
And His little brother and I have been hanging out quite alot, he's a cute kid, so sweet, and inquisitive. We're all still home schooled by our butler and worked hard but it's not quite as bad as when that man was alive. I feel bad. But I'm glad he left it's better with out him. Anyway. Since he's been gone Seto has been slowly taking over the business and working with it, so he's been gone alot and I keep his brother company. It was just me and Mokuba on my birthday, he even tried making me a cake it was a nice thought though didn't turn out perfectly but pretty good. And we just spent the day together...

But the biggest surprise was early the next morning I got up to get a glass of water and Seto happened to be coming home from his trip I was starting up the stairs when he was coming up the hall dropping his bags looking tired. I said hi of coarse nervous like the dumb kid I was. I've always been weird with him. Ever since that time he helped me... Just dumb I guess.
But he said hi to me, I just smiled and continued up the stairs.
But he called to me and tossed me something walking past me and actually wishing me a happy birthday. To be honest I didn't think he knew my birthday. he'd got me a little necklace with a small stone. I just smiled and hurried to my room giddy as a school girl. Yea, I don't have many of those moments.

Sitting out on the grass
mind adrift.
As blade carves the wooden block
molding to fit.
What the mind wishes to create
peaceful meditation.
In the repitious strokes of the tools
carving materials.
Like life taking a shape,
slowly, with care.
the pieces gradually removed.
Till what is left.
Is a statue,
carved by your own hands.

Yesterday was a horrible day. Though one that probably won't soon be forgotten. But there was a good point. I actually got to spend time with one of those boys that creepy man brought in all that time ago.
He saved me... I'm so grateful. But didn't catch his name. But today I dared venture out into the halls and happened upon a younger boy. I guess he got himself lost. He told me his name was Mokuba. I remember he was so cute when he was alittle boy. He was hungry so I'd brought him to kiitchen and we talked a little.

That's when I'd found out the other boy was his brother named Seto. Since they were formerly adopted they'd had Gozuboru's last name. I was just kinda kept around. But I don't really care. I'm glad I'd finally got to meet one of them and he was such a nice kid. Though I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm weird... That's ok I guess.^^;

My feelings now defined
I hate you
I don't think I told you
Just how much

I hate you
My heart's healing
Just how much
your words scarring my mind

My heart is still healing
Your cold heart withering
Your words scarring my mind
My emotions frozen in time

Your cold heart withering
Reminds me whome never to become
My emotions frozen in time
As I try to escape

My feelings now defined
Your words scarring my mind
I'm tring desperatly to find
the part of me you made me hide

I don't know what I was thinking... ~sigh~ What it would acomplish besides me getting cold and wet. I just felt crappy all day. Seto and Mokuba were spending time together, Seto had a little free time. Mokuba kept inviting me along but I could tell Seto didn't want me along.
But I was on my own, and for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about that creep.. And how much of a burden I was to Seto, Who I love so much. So early in the afternoon I packed up a back with some warm clothes and some food and left the mansion. It was weird. I've never really left it before, and if I had, it was never on my own. I remember walking up the long driveway nervously till I got to the street a man keeping watch giving me a strange look. Chasking me off thinking I was some loitering kid wanting Seto's attention. I's walked forever, we lived an hour from the city so it took a while especially not knowing where I was going.

But I eventually arrived. It wasn't that great, Least not what I expected but seeing other people was a nice change. Finding a park I'd hidden myself in the bushes napping the day away, waking late at night. I wished the dark didn't creep me out. I planned on staying the rest of the night but weird noises forced me out. I ran down the street thankful for more light. stopping at a bench in front of a store sitting on it with my knees to my chest I was dozing off again but someone woke me up. I was looking at a boy with black hair. He was rude telling me to go home. I just glared at him and turned my head and he was in front of me again staring with his green eyes. Whining aout how I wasn't supposed to be sleeping in front of his store. and to go home, I shook my head and he shut up giving me a look.
I was surprised when he pulled me to my feet dragging me into the building behind me. I of coarse resisted but he won out.

He sat with me in some chairs after locking the doors behind us looking at me and asking once more if I had a home, but I wasn't going to talk to him and he assumed I didn't, also deciding to take me in. The boys I'd found out was Otoogi Ryouji. I guess his dad was going to be away a while on business so he let me stay..~shrug~ even though I didn't tell him whom I was. Or where I came from.

I remember the first night away from the mansion. It was weird, and I missed it. WEll not that horrible place, but Seto and Mokuba. I liked being around them, even if Seto didn't treat me like I mattered. My head was full of thoughts, the whole night wondering if he even noticed I was gone yet...

After I got over what He tried to do to me... And the fact he was gone... I left my room I was nervous. I rarely left my room, and when I did, I was told where to go, and what to do, and i couldn't go certail places. I wasn't allowed to see Gozuboru's real adopted sons...
I just walked the long hallway what seemed like forever, it was kinda dark but i'd head yelling. I know it was the old man who'd checked on me sometimes. I peeked in heh, we know I can be curious, and who ever said curiousity killed the cat hasn't right with me yet.
The door was cracked and I saw the same boy who saved me sitting in a chair and the old short man yelling at him, in between talking on the phone. I wanted to know what was going on but i wasn't that dumb. I knew I'd get in trouble or worse if caught. The old man said the name Seto, and told him how he was now in charge of the company, and he'd have even more work nd responsibility. He asked what happened to old man Gozuboru, I swear he looked at me throgh the doorway but know he coundn't have. Running down the hall not able to ehar the rest of the conversation hearing someone coming up the hallway hiding in a room gasping seeing a boy at a table trying not to fall asleep doing work like i have, and sure his brother did.

I scared him and he gave me a glare. It took along time to convince him I wasn't with the creep of the house, and I was the girl his brother helped whicn I think made him more upset since he told me his brother had been with the old man all day. He told me his name was Mokuba and I was happy to meet someone under the age of 40 I gave the young boy a big hug. I was sudden and i think I embarrassed him. But i apologized, unfortunately I felt I had to go, so I'd left running back the long distance to my secluded corrider. Happy to hve met Mokuba, and thinking the one called seto was cute and thankful for him helping me only wishing I could halp him...

As I lay
I look into the dark and peaceful sky.
Watching the stars
dance
like the twinkling embers
of a dying fire.
Slowly my eyes grow heavy.
Slowly I drift into a delightful dream,
No longer do I feel pain,
the gnawing lonliness
is but a fluttering memory.
I feel rested, and peaceful.
But
just as abruptly
as i fell into my peaceful slumber.
I wake,
forced to live in my lonely
nightmare

I hate it here, I would have rather have been left on the streets all those years ago then here with this man. I think there was a an accident with the boy taht lived here... But i don't know. Heh, I wouldn't. I don't get told anything.
I sit here in my open window and look at the large world out there. I can't wait till I'm old enough to make it on my own. I think I'd be no better off If I just recklessly left now. But someday...

I know the other kids are still in the house. But he hasn't let me see them. They're not friends for me, and he's just been punishing me more when I haven't done anything...

Why's he such a meanie. I hope the boys are doing well, maybe he's being nice to them at least.